My Year of Hopefulness - Just Get to What's Next

"Wisdom consists not so much in knowing what to do in the ultimate as knowing what to do next." ~ Herbert Hoover, 31st U.S. president

Today I met with an old friend from college that I haven't seen in 11 years. She and I worked on a theatre production together at Penn, and she has a new theatre project that she wanted to get my advice on. At one point in our conversation she said she just felt so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task of getting the project off the ground. As much as she believes in the idea, the shear amount of work that it takes will be intense, regardless of whether it is a runaway hit, a flop, or somewhere in-between. She is afraid of the outcome of her efforts before she's even begun.

Like all of us with ideas that get our blood pumping, we get ahead of ourselves. We haven't even put a proposal on paper, and already we are off and running making contingency plans for every challenge and triumph imaginable. Long-term planning is important; to paralyze ourselves with fear in the short-run makes all of our worrying inconsequential. If we can't even get started, our long-term contingency plans don't make a bit of difference.

A crystal ball would be a handy tool to have in our back pocket, particularly if we could play out different scenarios before making choices. Unfortunately, no one has invented one of those yet, and so we're left with only our gut, experience, and conscience to help us make decisions. While we might do our best chess playing game, anticipating how the world around us will change, it never goes exactly according to plan. There's always some surprise we didn't account for. And if you're doing A just to get to B, then my experience has demonstrated that surely C, D, and E will show up to throw a wrench in the works.

The best we can do is to just do what's next. Keep a lofty goal as your guide, and remember that there are many routes to it. Don't shut down your ability to move forward by standing at the fork in the road and burying your head in your hands. Self-imposed grief, and the indecision that comes along with it, doesn't serve anyone well. And your dreams are too important. You have too much to offer this world. There is no time for indecision. The only choice you need to make right now is the next one. Leave the future where it belongs, out ahead of you.

The image above can be found at: http://toughsledding.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fork.jpg

My Year of Hopefulness - Seized Engine

The movers from Flatrate Moving have arrived! Only about an hour late - though very nice guys. I'll take late but nice; far better than on-time and cranky. They were late because they put the wrong fuel in the truck, or someone at the company did. They had to go get a Budget rental truck to complete my move. I can't imagine how nerve-wracking it is to be a mover.

I thought I was anxious about the move because I would watch all my stuff being carted away - off to storage for two weeks - hoping I'll see it again in some decent form. Turns out I was anxious for an entirely different reason which I only realized while talking to my sister, Weez. I was worried I'd disappoint my movers. Did I pack the boxes incorrectly? Did I not use enough tape? Did I pack too much in them. Are they going to be cursing my name and playing catch with my belongings?

As Weez pointed out, this is ridiculous, especially considering that I triple taped every box, put my initials and box numbers on at least 3 sides of each box, and set them out in numerical order. (I feel my OCD coming out.) They had their engine seize and were late - they felt badly about it; I was worried about the packing of my boxes and I felt badly about it. We worry so much about disappointing one another; as it turns out, the cure to disappointment is forgiveness and understanding - something we can all do.

One of my movers looked around at my things and said, "this is it?" "Yep, minus the lamps - I'm giving those away to goodwill this afternoon." "Don't worry," he said. "We plan for everything - it will all be fine." Were my nerves showing?

And then my landlady, Ann-Marie stopped by, to inquire about the keys, my forwarding address, etc. She gave me a hug, kissed me on the check, and wished me well. Since I'll still be in the neighborhood, I'll be seeing them around. She and her husband, Joe, have been very good to me, and I appreciate everything they did to help me in my transition back to NYC two years ago.

30 minutes after their arrival, the move's almost done. The wondrous sound of packing tape are the background music for this post and it's music to my ears; maybe my triple taping wasn't enough. No problem though, the movers have me covered. The knots in my stomach are finally beginning to disappear.

Control the controllable

“I kept myself calm by making sure I didn't concentrate on anything I couldn't control."
--B.J. Bedford, Olympic swimmer

BJ Bedford barely made the U.S. Olympic swim team in 1996 and then went on to win the gold at Sydney just four years later. If this mantra worked for her, I believe it can work for all of us. A lot of our anxiety as a society, and as individuals, is driven off the unknown fed by a focus on things we cannot control.

I worry a lot, as I have written about several times on this site. I worry about the economy, our environment, terrorism, about the states of education and healthcare. I worry that George Bush has damaged our nation so badly on so many levels that it may take all of the effort of the next administration, Democrat, Republican, or otherwise, four years just to get us back to where we were at the end of Bill Clinton’s Presidency. What do I control in these situations? What can I actually do to contribute?

The economy: I am an ardent saver. I live within my means, and most often below them. I do my best to make smart investments. I show up every day at my desk at work and do the very best I can in every moment. I look to buy products that make a difference, be that they are more environmentally friendly, healthier, or provide a benefit to those who manufacture them such as fair trade farmers. I watch the market, and I educate myself on the actions of the Fed and policy makers that can move the needle.

I try to propagate peace and tolerance in the environments I make my life in, hoping that I can inspire other people to do the same. I recycle, and I make every effort to always use less, whether it’s energy, paper, water, or any other natural resource.

And as far as George Bush – I do my best. I voted for the other candidates both times, mostly because I refuse to vote for anyone who is incapable of stringing five correctly pronounced words together to make a coherent sentence. Plus, I fundamentally disagree with his stance on nearly every issue. I control what I can control.

My politics aside, there is a lesson for all of us in BJ Bedford’s quote. What I do to maintain control is nothing extraordinary. They are choices I simply make by being aware of the world around me. It may be worth it to make a list of what’s in our control and what’s not in any given situation in which we feel stressed. The list can serve as a visual cue to help us refocus our energies and efforts so that we can generate a sense of calm both within ourselves and for those around us.

The photo above can be found at: http://www.colly.com/images/uploads/control_poster_420.jpg

Different lenses

My friend Monica sent me an email for Thanksgiving with a simple message: "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." I had never thought of emotions as having a specific direction, though it makes sense. Sorry does have its root in the past, worry has us looking around to see how we are being judged or what may be coming at us, and faith casts our gaze upward. I wonder if the converse is true as well - can the direction we choose to look incite certain emotions?

If I want to embody faith and hope, then I may spend more time looking forward, especially during times of reflection. Looking out into my future so to speak, and imagining happiness and success, however I define those. I have a tendency to beat myself up for past mistakes, big ans small. Spending energy being sorry, especially for things that are long since past forces us to look back. This is especially damaging since once we do apologize and forgive, there is nothing more we can do about the past.

I've written on this blog before about my tendency toward worry. A certain amount of worry can keep us on our toes, keep us motivated. But there's a tipping point where worry can paralyze us from ever moving ahead. It's okay to look around, as long as it's done in moderation of looking up.

And that balance applies to all emotions. Experiencing a full range of emotions keeps us empathic, humble, and appreciative of the good times. Some people think that the goal of Buddhists is constant happiness. From the texts I have read, Buddhists are more interested in moving through an emotional array, experiencing all that life has to offer. Physically an emotionally, it seems that we would all do well to have a full range of motion.