My Year of Hopefulness - Ancient Wisdom

"The interdependency of Humankind, the relevance of relationship, the sacredness of creation is ancient, ancient wisdom." ~ Rebecca Adamson

On the 17th floor of my apartment building, I feel a little closer to what's miraculous and sacred in our world. In the past few weeks I have felt some energy driving me toward something new; I've felt my life taking on a different kind of meaning. Last night as I was getting my apartment ready for the movers to arrive, I had my music on, washing my new kitchen supplies and watching the sun sink down behind those lovely water towers. In one moment I felt intensely overcome with gratitude, as if my heart had opened up in a way that it never has before. There seemed to be so many opportunities laid out before me and all I had to do was select one, like taking a book from a shelf.

I began to tick through my personal relationships and all of the strength and hope and inspiration that I find in each of them. I started to recall kindnesses and favors and support that I've been offered, not just in the past few weeks but as far back as I can remember. I wanted to give the whole world a great big hug, followed by a great big thank you, for everything.

I wonder if this feeling, this sense of belonging has been available to me along and I just didn't see it or didn't know how to tap into it. I'm intrigued by the difference between looking and seeing, by how often we run around desperately seeking that which inevitably ends up being right in front of us. What if we just stopped, for a brief moment, and saw with a new kind of clarity the many blessings we have, recognized are tremendous capacity for change, for goodness, for creation.

We can construct a richer, happier, more meaningful existence, for ourselves and others, by tapping into the wisdom that is all around us, by recognizing that we are all always in this together. All of a sudden when we realize we aren't alone, when we recognize that there are ancient, fundamental learnings that connect us across generations, across the globe, across time continuums, our feelings of loneliness and isolation are replaced by community and love. The impossible becomes not only possible, but imminent.

My Year of Hopefulness - Cleansing

It's the middle of the night and I'm having a tough time sleeping. I've become accustomed to insomnia as I've had it off and on for most of my life. Tonight is a little eerie though. I'm awake because of the wind. It's keeping me up long past my bedtime. It's so gusty that as I was walking back to my friend, Amber's, apartment, I could feel the weather bearing down on me. For a moment I almost lost my footing. You'd think this was Chicago in the winter the way the gusts are going. We rarely have wind like this, especially at the beginning of September.

I can't help but think that this odd wind is a way for the greater universe to say to me that my life is being cleaned out, and it must be this way as tough as the circumstances may be. With these gusts will go all of the bad energy from the fire. And with that energy will go the fear as well - mine, and my neighbors', family's, and friend's fears, too. Rather than it being a disturbing wind, perhaps it's trying to be of great use at a time of great need. Maybe a strong, forceful wind is exactly what's called for in times of stress. At least I'm hoping that's the case.

As I headed from The Empire Hotel toward the subway tonight, for a second I thought "damn, all my warm clothes might be ruined. I have nothing to wear!" And then a second later I started laughing, out loud. Who cares? So I will have to buy some new warm clothing now that Fall has arrived. I stopped for a moment right by Columbus Circle and looked up at the sky, the clouds faintly swirling and swishing in the very dark sky. I said a prayer to whatever and whoever is up there looking down on me, blowing all the smoke away so that I might see and think a bit more clearly. "Thank you," I said. "I'm glad I'm here to witness this." And I've never meant any 9 words more in my life.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - A Real New Yorker

Yesterday I was running errands after work, collecting a few more odds and ends to organize my apartment. I had forgotten that when you go from a place with storage to a place with hardly any storage, you actually have to buy things to put your things in. 2 hours later at the Container Store...

It was hot and sticky and raining on and off. My bags were heavy and I was worn out from a long, tiring week. I was trudging along, past The Plaza, past Central Park South, toward the Time Warner Building, lost in my own personal fog. At the corner, I was waiting for the light to change so I could get down underground to the unbearably hot subway that would get me home with all my things to put my things in. I'm sure my face was a little crinkled. I'm positive I was sighing out loud.

Two guys, clearly visiting NYC, were in a Scooby-Doo style van, hanging out the windows and snapping pictures like mad. I must remember to start carrying my camera everywhere to capture moments like that. These guys were grinning from ear to ear, in awe of what they were seeing, what they were right in the middle of. They made me smile, too. One of them saw me, and asked "are you a real New Yorker?" and then snapped my picture, as if I was a rare species that they needed to capture on film to show their friends back home.

"I am a real New Yorker," I replied. "Cool," he said. And that made me smile even wider. Here I was sighing about how tired and worn out I was, and here are these guys, invigorated by the exact same environment.

I didn't cross the street just yet. I sat down in one of the cafe chairs that sit at the corner of Central Park South and Columbus Circle. I took a big, deep breathe and looked around me. How lucky am I to be a New Yorker, to live in this insane, magical, always evolving place every day? I put down my load o' bags to rest a while, to take in the glory and chaos and be grateful for the opportunity to be here in this moment.

I wish I had asked for the contact info of those Scooby-Doo van guys. I'd like to thank them for helping me fall in love with my city, again. When I picked up my bags to head home, somehow they felt lighter.

The photo above depicts Columbus Circle, New York City and can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - New Home, Sweet Home

Moving day! Once again, I had a stellar experience with Flat Rate Moving and got some much needed, much appreciated help with my own bags from the past weeks. When arriving at the apartment this morning to see the new renovations, I had the impulse to skip from one end to the other. I actually hugged the new kitchen countertop. This apartment is such a huge improvement over my last place that I can hardly believe it's mine!

While packing and unpacking are tough chores, I do relish the feeling of a fresh start, a new beginning filled with possibilities. My home isn't just where I get some sleep and store my belongings. I do most of writing here. I practice my yoga which in akin to a religion for me. It's a place where I laugh and cry and dream with my friends, where I have multiple out-of-town guests. The rest of my life springs from these walls, and with new walls, in some sense, I get a new life.

Once the movers collected my last signature and quietly closed the door on their way out, I did do a run through the maze of brown boxes that now lined my new place, and at the end made sure to do a little dance of gratitude: to my friends, Rob and Linda, who took me in for two weeks when I really needed a place to stay, for the movers who took such good care of my belongings from beginning to end, to the wonders of Craig's list that made finding this apartment possible. I was so happy that I wanted to give the world one great big hug, and I wanted to make sure that I took a moment to remind myself how good this world and our experience in it can be.

Now I'm collapsing into bed with a wide smile. My feet haven't been this tired in years and my legs aren't used to the three flights of stairs just yet. And yet none of that matters. I'm home again.

My Year of Hopefulness - Trade-offs

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. --Henry Van Dyke

A friend of mine recently lost his father and as we talked about loss, we delved into the topic of trade-offs. It's part of life to enjoy good, happy times for a while. And yet somewhere in the back of our minds, we are conscious of the fact that these moments are fleeting. Part of experiencing life, and love, and a connection to others also requires us to have the ability to let go. It's an odd and scary thing if we think about it too long, so it usually comes to us as a passing thought, and then we send it away.

I used to have a very hard time dealing with the loss of someone. It seemed so unfair to me to have someone we love taken away. Was it really worth it to feel a connection to people? Did it make sense to spend so much of our very brief time on this planet cultivating relationships with others that eventually fall away, for one reason or another.

Many years ago, a friend of mine was dealing with the loss of his grandfather. Knowing how much he loved his grandfather and how close he was to him, I expressed my extreme sympathy for his loss. And without a tear in his eye or a choked up feeling in his throat, he said, "Please don't be sorry. I'm not." I just couldn't understand. How on Earth could he not be sorry?

"I had this amazing person in my life for so many years. I was so lucky to know that kind of love and closeness to someone for so long. He taught me an amazing amount throughout my whole life that I'm able to pass on to others. He was such a gift and I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to have him in my life."

I think about this conversation every time I or someone I care about must deal with losing someone. It's so hard to imagine letting go, and I find that emphasizing the gift of their presence in our lives for however long we have them eases the sadness. It doesn't eliminate the sadness and it doesn't betray the person's memory. It just helps us keep perspective, and we helps us to begin to understand that it is all worth. The cultivation of relationships is what this life we live is all about. They are the very essence of human experience.

My Year of Hopefulness - my friend, Ken

One way I feel more hopeful is by spending more quality time with people I love. Last year I spent a lot of time dashing from one place to the next, squeezing this task in here and that task in there. It's exhausting. So I'm taking more time out this year for individuals and enjoying the time I have with them rather than watching the clock when I'm with them. 

To this end, I took the bus out to the Poconos to visit my friend, Ken, one of my nearest and dearest. Just being around him lifts up my spirit. He had a rough year in 2008, and what amazes me about him is that he doesn't resent anything that he's lost. He is much more grateful for having ever had those things and people in his life at all. It's a good lesson for me, for all of us. Resentment and regret gets us nowhere. Gratefulness brings us joy, and ultimately more to be grateful for.  

The image above can be found at: http://profbaugh.blogspot.com/2008/03/grateful-thoughts.html

21 Ways to Celebrate Life

A woman named Nancy Rothstein lost her son Josh very suddenly. Once a year Nancy adds a new way to celebrate life to her growing list - one suggestion for every one of Josh's birthdays. I received the link to the list today - it's now at 21 items - and I spent my commute home thinking about how I celebrate life and ways in which I'd like to celebrate life. Here's my list for every birthday I've celebrated:

1.) Buy an ice cream cone on a sunny day and walk through my neighborhood 

2.) Listen to my favorite songs and repeat them as many times as I want

3.) Write

4.) Spend time with friends I adore

5.) Explore a NYC neighborhood I'm not familiar with

6.) On a rainy day, I hole up in my apartment with good food, a good movie, and never change out of my PJs

7.) I walk through my favorite area of Riverside Park and linger there as long as I want

8.) Watch re-runs of my favorite sitcoms

9.) Read the latest issues of my favorite magazines cover to cover

10.) Toil in the little shops in my neighborhood

11.) Play with a dog

12.) Practice yoga

13.) Travel abroad on my own

14.) Meditate and remind myself of all the reasons I am grateful for my life

15.) Savor a good meal slowly with good company

16.) Take care of a plant

17.) Call an old friend I haven't talked to in a while

18.) Dance around my apartment

19.) Paint a watercolor while sitting in a beautiful place

20.) Try something new that scares me

21.) Clean my apartment - I don't necessarily like the task but I love the result

22.) Spend the afternoon with a good book

23.) Visit one of the amazing museums in NYC

24.) Get a pedicure

25.) Volunteer my time with an organization I care about

26.) Recycle

27.) Don't money to a charity I believe in

28.) Light a candle, say a prayer

29.) Work on a home-improvement project

30.) Remain conscious of my breathe

31.) Watch live music

32.) Take photographs

Click here for image above.