My Year of Hopefulness - The Power of Silence

"Let us love, since our heart is made for nothing else." ~ St. Therese

I have completely lost my voice to this cold I have been fighting. I can barely eek out an audible whisper. This is especially hilarious because talking is one of my favorite activities. Truly, I've been known to have a very interesting conversation with a brick wall. I talk to myself in my apartment, as I'm working through problems. I have lots and lots of opinions on just about everything. And now I have been silenced.

I was in DC this weekend with a load of my business school friends for our friends' Chris and Steph's wedding. I don't know that I've ever seen a groom that happy. Seriously, if Chris's smile was any wider his face would have cracked. It was wonderful to see someone I love so much so happy.

After the wedding and reception, my voice was really getting hoarse. The trouble with this sore throat is that it is not currently accompanied by any other symptoms. I feel fine; I just sound a little funny. Actually, I sound a lot funny. To get the blood flowing in my throat, I went to a yoga class with my friend, Julie, at 9am. I always learn so much going to a yoga class. I watch for teaching technique and I invariably learn a new pose or a new way of thinking about a pose that allows me to deepen my practice and teaching.

In Savasana, corpse pose, I was completely relaxed, or so I thought. Savasana is done at the end of virtually every yoga practice. It allows our bodies and minds to approach a meditative state after being worked through the preceding asanas. People have become so relaxed in Savasana that they've been known to fall into a sleep / dream state.

The teacher came around to each of us, pressing our shoulders firmly to the mat and down away from our ears. Until she did this, I didn't realize that I was holding any tension there at all. In fact, I was scrunching up my heart a bit. With the teacher's pressure, my heart opened with a little bit of a creak and a crack. I felt lighter. I felt a bit more love.

It is an amazing thing about silence and time with friends and yoga and the witnessing of an act of love and commitment. In the past few months, I have been shown how risky and wonderful loving with an open heart can be. I looked around at the wedding reception: at Chris and Steph, of course, and also at my friends Daphne and Eric, and Courtney and Brian, also newly married this year. Their lives are richer for having one another. There is this unspoken chemistry that just works with all of them. At some point, they must have all been a little bit scared, too, maybe afraid to keep their hearts open. Somehow, they worked through that fear and emerged happy and healthy and whole to find another person happy and healthy and whole with an open heart ready to love them.

Today I felt more certain than ever that eventually I'd find the guy for me. That creaking and cracking of my heart was symbolic of that openness I've been able to find in the second half of this year. In the midst of my forced silence and voluntary yoga practice, my heart and my mind came together, my mind accepting that this heart o' mine after being put through the fire many times is now shined and polished and poised for the kind of love and commitment that so many of my friends have generously shown can work.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - Marking time

Today is my one year anniversary at my job. Where did the time go? Oh right - into about 25 projects that I've worked on since I started! When I consider everything I've learned - about the company, the job, the industry, myself, it seems impossible that all of that could have been compressed into one year.

One year ago today, I attended a new hire orientation. A series of company leaders came into the room to speak with us and one of them said something that really stuck with me. He asked us to go up the elevator to our desks every morning with one simple question always at the top of our minds: what am I going to do to help someone live an extraordinary life today? I took that to heart, and I can say with complete honesty that I've started every day that way. It's been a tumultuous year for this country - that elevator question helped me hang on during the most challenging times to help me not only survive, but thrive. And it helped me help others do the same.

So now I begin year two, every bit as hopeful and curious as I was at the start of year one. The unintended, and happy, consequence of helping others to live an extraordinary life is that it makes our own lives extraordinary in the process. I hadn't consciously realized that until today when I looked around my office to see all the positive change that's taking place right before our eyes. And I played a part. A small one, but certainly a part. And for that I am extremely grateful. We really do get what we give.

The photo above can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - Gay Pride

Today marks the 40th anniversary of Gay Pride. Last night, I went to the movies with my friends, Thomas and Richard, a couple who have been together for 24 years. After the movie, we walked over to the Christopher Street subway stop to head back uptown. Before getting on the subway, we went by the Stonewall Inn. Richard explained the history and significance of the Inn to me and how it served as the stage for the tipping point of the gay rights movement in what would become known as the Stonewall Riots.

We enjoyed watching the crowd in the neighborhood, and read the newspaper clippings and admired the replica of Judy Garland's Wizard of Oz dress in the window of the Stonewall Inn. (Judy Garland, a hugely popular gay icon, died several days before the Stonewall Riots began and her funeral was held the day before the riots.) It's important to bear witness, to remember how difficult and frightening a time was for people courageous enough to stand up for themselves. And while it's easy to consider how far we still have to go on certain human rights issues such as gay marriage, it's equally important to celebrate how much has been accomplished in the 40 years since Stonewall.

In New York State, we are on the cusp of legalizing gay marriage. If passed, we'd be the 7th state to legalize gay marriage. Gay marriage and the equal treatment of gay Americans is the civil rights issue of our time. I am certain that decades from now, we will look back on this period as one of embarrassment and shame. I cannot fathom how anyone would deny the basic rights of another human being based on their sexuality. Are the movements that led to equal treatment of women and ethnic minorities any different than what the gay community now faces? If two gay people want to get married, what bearing does that have on two straight people who are married? Who are we to stand in judgement of someone else's lifestyle?

I hope the concept of denying gay marriage never makes sense to me. I hope to never understand why a portion of the straight population is so convinced that the gay population is ruining the sanctity of marriage. What I do hope happens is that the very politicians and their supporters who are fighting so hard against gay marriage, the same ones who are so quick and earnest to dismiss their own issues of infidelity, will find a way to see the world and the rights of all people through new eyes.

I hope that someday we will look at all people as equal, gender, sexual orientation, race, and religious beliefs aside. I hope that someday very soon, my gay friends are afforded the same right to union and happiness that my straight friends and I have. I hope that very soon the gay rights movement becomes something for history books - a time that we collectively look back on, and shakes our heads in wonder, asking "why did it take so long for simple justice?"

The photo above was taken from: http://sunfollower.wordpress.com/2009/01/09/civil-rights-movement-the-stonewall-riots/

My Year of Hopefulness - Boundaries

Seth Godin wrote a great post this morning about boundaries. It reminded me of the boxes that one of my leadership professors at Darden, Alec Horniman, talked about: the boxes we put other people into, the boxes we put ourselves into, and the boxes we allow others to put us into. We do this with our careers, relationships, friendships, hobbies, interests. We take on roles and keep them, and it's tough to break the behavior patterns we develop in those roles. And we have a real knack for giving people roles in our lives, whether or not those are the roles they want.

To make sense of our lives and keep us from going crazy, boundaries might be necessary. The key is to make them flexible and adaptable. Seth puts it in perspective of a brand, and explains that the brand can be our own personal one or that of a company. He stresses that brand loyalists are much more forgiving than the holders of a brand give them credit for. We have to give ourselves permission to try new things that truly interest us. If we are authentic and sincere in our pursuit of something new, the people who loves us will help us get there.

I've never been one for being put into a category. I've always felt free to explore different careers and interests, and have made a concerted effort to bring a diverse group of people into my life. From the outside it might seem that I just can't make up my mind about where to focus my time and effort. A recruiter once said to me, "seems like you've spent your whole life exploring." This sounded like a positive thing to me -- apparently he didn't mean it to be positive!

In actuality I have made a very specific decision to follow my interests wherever they may lead. I'm not exploring because I'm lost; I'm exploring because I'm interested in making the most of my life. I want to be someone with a broad perspective, someone who loves traveling, and new experiences, and meeting new people. I want to make sure that when my time comes, I've lived as much life as I possibly could.

My close friends, family, and supporters have been very accepting of this choice. They've celebrated my patchwork life with me. With every new experience, they are there, cheering me on and sometimes my life has even inspired them to do something different that they previously didn't think they do. It's a personal passion to extend my boundaries and grow my comfort zone, and I'd like to help others do the same.

21 Ways to Celebrate Life

A woman named Nancy Rothstein lost her son Josh very suddenly. Once a year Nancy adds a new way to celebrate life to her growing list - one suggestion for every one of Josh's birthdays. I received the link to the list today - it's now at 21 items - and I spent my commute home thinking about how I celebrate life and ways in which I'd like to celebrate life. Here's my list for every birthday I've celebrated:

1.) Buy an ice cream cone on a sunny day and walk through my neighborhood 

2.) Listen to my favorite songs and repeat them as many times as I want

3.) Write

4.) Spend time with friends I adore

5.) Explore a NYC neighborhood I'm not familiar with

6.) On a rainy day, I hole up in my apartment with good food, a good movie, and never change out of my PJs

7.) I walk through my favorite area of Riverside Park and linger there as long as I want

8.) Watch re-runs of my favorite sitcoms

9.) Read the latest issues of my favorite magazines cover to cover

10.) Toil in the little shops in my neighborhood

11.) Play with a dog

12.) Practice yoga

13.) Travel abroad on my own

14.) Meditate and remind myself of all the reasons I am grateful for my life

15.) Savor a good meal slowly with good company

16.) Take care of a plant

17.) Call an old friend I haven't talked to in a while

18.) Dance around my apartment

19.) Paint a watercolor while sitting in a beautiful place

20.) Try something new that scares me

21.) Clean my apartment - I don't necessarily like the task but I love the result

22.) Spend the afternoon with a good book

23.) Visit one of the amazing museums in NYC

24.) Get a pedicure

25.) Volunteer my time with an organization I care about

26.) Recycle

27.) Don't money to a charity I believe in

28.) Light a candle, say a prayer

29.) Work on a home-improvement project

30.) Remain conscious of my breathe

31.) Watch live music

32.) Take photographs

Click here for image above. 

Habitual rewards

My dear friend, Lisa, took me to brunch this morning for my 32nd birthday. I ordered some peppermint tea and the tag read "reward yourself". Lisa, who has known me for nearly ten years immediately said, "Christa, as if you need anyone to tell you that." She's right of course, I've made rewarding myself a habit, though that wasn't always the case, and as much as I love being nice to myself, it doesn't come without a tiny piece of questioning each time. 

I took the day off today to celebrate me. I got the idea from my friend, Ken, who also took his birthday off as a personal day this year. Another friend of mine, Alex, told me about a company that gives its employees their birthdays off as an extra perk. 

I took myself for a nice long walk through the park - a glorious, sunny day - and then to get a manicure and pedicure. After that, I took another long and leisurely stroll home. It was one of those days that I was so happy to have had, and would have been so sad to see end except for the fact that I know another self-reward is likely just around the corner.

Alex also was telling me today that as adults we don't celebrate or birthdays with the same gusto as children. And that started me wondering how this happened. As a kid, I would wake up with such an excitement that my big day had arrived. And while today I was thrilled to have the day off, I didn't have that tingly happy birthday feeling. So, as my birthday wish, simple though it may seem, I am searching for a way to get that birthday tingle back, a way to believe that self-celebration is not a luxury, but rather something that comes naturally.    

Day 1

2008 was brought in with a wide smile on my face surrounded by fabulous friends. I have never hosted a New Year's party before and my friend, Catherine, suggested that having one would be a good idea. Plus, she has a spacious apartment, a rarity in NYC, that would be a perfect spot to host one.

I invited a number of friends from different parts of my life, and many of them had never met before. Worlds colliding can be a nerve-wracking thing. To my delight, it was fabulous from beginning to end. People were striking up conversations right and left and I feel confident that the party could have gone on into the wee hours of the morning without a pause.

I was so thrilled with the turnout of so many amazing people in one room. And a bit sad, too. I have been wishing that I could afford a bigger apartment to have gatherings like this more often. And then my dear friend, Lisa, helped me open up my eyes a bit wider. We panned the room to take a look at the space that people were actually occupying as they enojyed the last few hours of 2007. It was roughly the size of my studio apartment. And when I came home I did some more analyzing...while my place may be small, there is ample room to sit and chat, and people at a party don't spread out - they clump together to have conversations and to share laughs.

The wonderful gift that 2008 brought me, in addition to all of the great people I was surrounded by, was the idea that this type of gathering didn't need to be a once-a-year event. I could have this kind of celebration much more often, even in my studio apartment. Happiness and laughter is like air - it just conforms to the space in which you allow it to be.

The image above can be found at http://www.backdrops.net/images/108%20Celebration%2010%20x%2010.JPG

Wild Revelry Is So Last Year

For the past few days I have been using my drive to work to come up with some pithy and witty commentary on New Year's and why it's my least favorite holiday. I opened the Times this morning and decided I didn't need to write anything - William Grimes said it best.

I'll be spending NYE with a few friends eating delicious, home-made food, and completely avoiding any run in with crowds. I've decided that 2008 is going to be the best year of my life. "Why?" you may ask. Just call it a very good hunch.

William Grimes story in Today's Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/28/arts/28stay.html?_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin