My Year of Hopefulness - I've Got It Easy

As I trudged out of my apartment and through the streets to the M60 bus, I was silently cursing the incompatibility of snow banks and rolling luggage. I was hopping over the snow banks still stacked high on the sidewalks of my neighborhood, my rolling luggage clumsily in tow. In 5 blocks, I reached the bus stop, and was glad I would shortly be on my way toLaGuardia airport, albeit with a slightly sore lower back.

As I was lamenting my difficult walk, across the street came a man in a manual wheelchair, young and entirely unfazed by the slushy snow that was much harder for him to navigate than it was for me. I felt like such a whiny, mealy-mouthed jerk. Oh poor me! I have nice luggage with wheels to load up on a bus that will take me to a plane that will take me to warm, sunny Florida where I will spend the holiday with my fabulous, adorable, loving family. Oh the tragedy! However will I make it?

Sometimes terrible things happen to me, and yet when life gets me down I remember my mother’s constant phrase during my childhood, “there is always someone in the world worse off than you.” Her point was that I should stop whining about whatever was bothering me, and she was right. Whining never got anyone very far in this world. In the midst of tough circumstances, perspective is difficult to come by. When I pick my head up a bit from my own difficulties, I find other people who are getting by in life with far few blessings than I have. I’m grateful for the reminders of how truly lucky I am.

My Year of Hopefulness - Good Grief

One of the things this year that has brought me so much hope is my new ability to ask and receive help. By nature, I am not good at asking for help, though I am fantastic at providing it. A few weeks ago I told my friend, Rob, about my strong desire to make all of the change I've been through this year into a positive experience. I want to look back on 2009 and see that it was a decisive, magical turning point in my life. Enter, Brian.

Early on in my life, I spent a number of years in therapy to acquire tools to help me handle certain aspects of my childhood in a healthy way. They've served me well for 33 years and now I need some new tools to help me manage a whole new set of challenges. Brian is a social worker by training who has an incredible gift for helping people to get the most out of the lives they have to help them achieve the lives that they want. He sets about his work with the desire to help people turn their experiences and dreams into action. He is exactly the kind of person I need right now.

I began my weekly sessions with him today and because I am so open about my life's circumstances, we were able to get to the root of our work together very quickly. It helps that I found Brian based on Rob's strong recommendation. Because I trust Rob, I immediately trusted Brian. Because I trust myself and know how I want my life to take shape, it was easy to ask someone as knowledgeable as Brian for help. And so, it begins...

Being a forever student, I asked for homework at the end of our session. "I want you to be still and allow the feelings of loss you've had this year to surface. You're so busy getting away from grief that you never really look it in the eye and see how it can actually help you." True, and scary, and difficult, and necessary. I was so concerned about getting through my losses this year that I didn't stop to look around and see what they really had to offer me. I just wanted to be done, and in my desire to be done, I forgot to let myself grieve. I took a "well that happened so now get on with it" approach without letting myself say "that was frightening and sad, and I'm going to miss those things and people in my life."

Grief is difficult; suppressed grief eventually becomes unbearable and makes itself a nuisance and makes us tired. With Brian's help, I'm going to figure out how to make grief serve me well.

My Year of Hopefulness - Make Something That Matters

My friend, Monika, hosted three of us for dinner at her place last night. I can say with certainty that it was the nicest New Year's Eve I've ever spent. Low-key, relaxed, with good friends, good food, and good wine. Though we just turned the page one more day, just like we have ever other day of the year, it did feel different this year. I did feel myself shrug off some sadness, some disappointment, even some anger. As I walked to the subway last night with my friend, Brandi, I was glad to hear I was not alone is feeling of heavy disappointment about the world. 

And then I read Seth Godin's blog post this morning. Apparently, he hates New Year's though he seems to have changed his tune this year, too. He sees a tremendous opportunity this year and I wonder how many of us will rise to the challenge he's laid before us: "The opportunity this year is bigger than ever: to lead change, to create a movement in a direction you want to go. While the rest of your world huddles and holds back, here's a golden chance to use cheap media, available attention, and great talent to make something that matters."    

To that end, I wanted to share a resource given to me by my friend, Linda. Linda is on the board of the Black Culinary Association (BCA), a nonprofit that supports racial minorities entering the culinary world. Linda found BCA after registering her profile on boardnetusa.org, an on-line community that matches up boards seeking members with individuals interested in serving on nonprofit boards. If you'd like to take up Seth Godin's challenge, this resource is a wonderful place to begin your journey. 

 

I'm home today cleaning my apartment to start the New Year off right. I was dusting my bookshelves a few hours ago and came across my copy of Oh, the Places You'll Go. While a little bit cliched at this point, there are a few lines where I always get choked up. It's possible I take our dear friend, Dr. Seuss, too literally. It's also possible that I am a giant sap. "Your mountain is waiting so....get on your way!" always has some special meaning for me. I've been searching for my mountain for a long time now, and while I've climbed a few peaks, looked out over a few vistas, and none of them have been my peaks. I simply borrowed them from someone else for a while, did some good while I was there, and then had to move on. 

In 2009, I'd like to find my mountain, make something that matters. If you've found yours, know that I am insanely jealous and excited for you all at once. It must be a remarkable feeling. If you're like me, still searching, then I hope that 2009 will be your year of great discovery, too. 

Care in the workplace

If care were a stock being offered on the market, it would be a wise commodity to invest in at this time on the planet. Care will soon be on the rise because everything else has been tried. --Doc Childre

While caring is a characteristic noted in philanthropic work or purely service businesses like health care, there are broader implications where care is not as prevalent a topic and should be. The care of employees, of customers, of communities around the world that are impacted by our businesses. I would go so far as to say if business leaders are not empathic, compassionate, and caring, then their success going forward will be compromised. 

This week I'm going to lunch with the VP of my division. A busy man, traveling all the time, sent me an invite on his first day back from vacation. And then came to my desk to make sure I received the invitation and to make sure I understood that he invited me to lunch to get my perspective on what the company is doing that makes sense and what's "just stupid". (His words not mine.) "You were hired for your opinions as well as your talents." In other words, I count. A rare straight-forward statement that opened a whole new world of caring in the workplace for me.

This new job is making me a kinder person. Our Division President gave his monthly town hall two weeks ago and he was emphatic about listening to the voice of the customer (VOC), so much so that he is including VOC metrics in every business and employee review. Because I'm new to the role as well as the company, I am spending a lot of time talking with people who are experts in areas I know nothing about, and they are patiently helping me up my very steep learning curve. I imagine their advice as a helping hand that's reaching down as I trudge up this mountain of vocabulary, processes, and requirements. The internal politics are virtually zero, and despite the strong structure and culture, they have maintained a feeling of a flat organization where ideas, opinions, and questions from everyone of every level are encouraged, valued, and vetted. It is nothing short of remarkable for a company that is so old and so large. And it's driven by the care and concern of individuals. 

Business leaders are famous for spouting trite cliches like "it's business, not personal." On this one, I'm with Meg Ryan's character in You've Got Mail: it's ALWAYS personal. Everything in life, anything that involves people, is personal. We cannot continue to disconnect the business aspects from personal aspects of doing business. The line is blurring to a point where it's barely even distinguishable. The sooner we embrace the fact that management and leadership are personal, service-oriented endeavors, the healthier our world economy will be.      

Images above can be found here.