My Year of Hopefulness - Teaching butterflies to fall in line

"The best speakers know enough to be scared...the only difference between the pros and novices is that the pros have trained the butterflies to fly in formation." ~ Edward R. Murrow

I have a little secret - all my life I have had a terrible battle with stage fright. Job interviews, first dates, meeting new friends, first day of class. Any new experience with new people has me quaking in my boots for weeks beforehand. I combat this with a brave face and decent acting skills, but it's painful. In college, I lost 10 pounds in a week preparing for the play, Agnes of God. I kept getting sick right before every rehearsal and then right before every show. I have a hard time watching debates on TV because I get sympathy stage fright!

This weekend I read the book Confessions of a Public Speaker by Scott Berkun. The book is riotously funny and Berkun is an endearingly honest writer. He makes no bones about the knocks he gets for his profession, and yet his humor brings about such a sense of respect and admiration for what he does day in and day out to earn a living.

The quote by Edward R. Murrow is one of my favorites that Berkun uses, and the chapter of the book that follows this quote is better yet. Berkun lists the top 14 fears people indicated in a recent survey. Speaking before a group was the greatest fear people had. Death was #7, loneliness was #9, and escalators was #14. Crazy when we consider that for the most part we can avoid speaking in public, and we can't avoid things like, oh, death. We're most afraid of something we can control. What does that say about us?

Recognizing the ludicrous ranking, Berkun goes on to talk about his own fear of public speaking, and the fear of speaking publicly that many of the world's notable speakers have (Bono, Elvis, JFK, and Barbara Walters to name just a few.) The trick isn't eradicating the fear; it's figuring out how to use it to our best advantage that counts. Get the butterflies to fall in line. For me, my fear is best used to teach and my defense is to prepare, prepare, prepare. And if you're thinking about that ol' "imagine everyone in their underwear" trick, Berkun will give you his perspective on why that is a very, very bad idea.

In Confessions of a Public Speaker, I realized that the fear of public speaking is really about being afraid we just aren't enough. Essentially, public speakers of every variety stand up there and put themselves in the perfect position to be knocked down and dragged by the hair to the back of the room. They tell themselves "what if I'm not good enough, smart enough, or entertaining enough?" The fear of public speaking is really the fear of not being accepted for who we are.

Later on in the book, Berkun discusses the reasons people go to hear public speakers, including the desire to learn something, be inspired, and have a positive experience they can share with others. Simple reasons really, and when looked at through the lens of "give the people what they want", the butterflies begin to work together to create one gorgeous pattern, each lending their own unique flair. For the many of us who suffer from stage fright, I'm convinced that Berkun is on to something here.

What's the difference between being preachy and passionate?

I understand that there can be a thin line between preaching and speaking passionately. Barack Obama is a brilliant example of someone who has mastered the art of speaking passionately without becoming preachy. A friend of mine was just telling me about a meeting he was recently asked to join because of his expertise on humanitarian relief work. Mind you, this topic was the topic of discussion. He is marvelously articulate and speaks with such authority and passion that it is fully understandable how people will walk to the ends of the Earth for him. 

After he finished his two minute discussion on the role of humanitarian relief work in several hot-button areas of the world right now, there was dead silence from his boss. I should interject here that he is far more educated and personally vested in this cause than she is, despite the fact that she has seniority. He makes her look good without fail, on every project, and she has often publicly taken credit for work he has done. 

At this meeting, rather than thanking him for his point of view, she responded by addressing the group with, "well, not that that information has anything to do with the issue at hand..." Actually, it had everything to do with the issue at hand. His boss was irritated that he had a more articulate, and opposing view, than the surface comments she was making. What's more my friend is far more genuine than his boss, she knows this, and is unable to level the playing field with him. She closed the conversation saying, "well, I think we've had enough preaching for one day." So ludicrous, it's laughable...

And that started me thinking about the difference between preaching, which often has a negative connotation, and articulately addressing an issue with passion. It comes down to whether the person speaking is talking to hear himself talk and or if he is educating and sharing his point-of-view with his audience. Preaching has a lot of shallow dazzle and speaking with passion has dazzle plus substance. With all of my friend's energy and enthusiasm, my advice to him was to move on to someplace that appreciates and rewards him for everything he has to offer.