Step 15: Lugh

"Are you more like your mom or dad?" people ask me. I'd like to believe that I can choose the best of both.

Today I heard a bit about Lugh, one of the gods of the Celtic Pantheon. He is the son of Cian and Ethniu, half god, half monster. He was able to become successful because he had the good traits of each of his parents: the heart and morals of his father's side (the gods), and the courage and self-defense abilities of his mother's side (the monsters). With the gods being oppressed by the monsters, he joins the gods, teaches them to defend themselves, and helps them gain their freedom from the monsters. While greatly simplified, this basic outline provides a powerful example of how to choose our better history and future.

Every experience and example has the potential to be a help or a hindrance to us. Cian's family, had good, patient hearts that lead others to dominate them. Ethniu's family was wild and ill-willed, though exceptional warriors. Lugh could have easily adopted either example. Instead, Lugh was able to combine the warrior instincts of his mother and the good heart of his father to restore peace.

The important lesson here is Lugh's decision to pick and choose among his historical examples and inherited traits to create something all original that allowed him to do the most good in the world. When I consider my own history and my own way forward, I've been thinking a lot about my parents, my earliest examples of how to be an adult in the world.

It would be easy to vilify one of my parents and deify the other. Instead, I am trying to appreciate and nurture the very best of them both as a base to build my own life from. From my mother, there is so much goodness to choose from, though not enough personal confidence. From my father, there is so much intellect and confidence to choose from, though not enough compassion and love for others.

My history is the inverse of Lugh's, though my journey has been and will continue to be similar. In order for me to really do some good in the world, I will need the very best traits of both my parents combined. I wonder if that's true for all of us.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - Moments that Made My Life

My friend, Josh, over at World’s Strongest Librarian wrote a post that is so beautiful and profound that I had to share it here. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it all day. He talked about the defining moments of his life in terms of when they happened, how he felt about them, and what they meant to him. It’s a form that I love so much that I created my own snapshots of when. So many thanks to Josh for inspiring my writing and my life. Here goes…

When I first saw my niece, I realized why it was so important to have children in our lives.

When my heart broke, I realized that it didn’t take as long to heal and love again as I thought it would.

When he passed away, I didn’t feel as relieved as I thought I would – it was then that I started down the very long path to forgiveness.

When I crossed that finish line, realizing a dream years in the making, I was more grateful for the strength of my body than ever before.

When I decided to keep loving through the hurt, I realized that on the other side there was more love.

When I graduated, I knew at that moment that I could do anything I set my mind to.

When I looked out at the wild surf of South Africa, I realized that I had traveled very far from home and still felt like I belonged.

When I stood in front of a classroom for the first time, I had much more to offer than I ever expected.

When I chased a dream as far as I could and it still wasn’t enough to make it real, I was amazed at my resilience to just get a new dream.

When I said a final good-bye to my dear and faithful friend, I found that not everything or everyone is replaceable. Some parts of our lives and hearts can never be reclaimed, and that’s okay.

When I first put my writing out into the world for everyone to see, I found that there was a lot more support for my ideas that I ever knew and much of that support came from people I didn’t even know.

When the curtain came down and I heard the applause, I knew I had been part of something much greater than myself.

When I almost didn’t get a tomorrow, I understood how precious every moment is and that dreams can’t wait.

When I lost almost all of my belongings, I found that I didn’t really need any of them to survive and thrive and for the first time in my life I felt truly free.

When I found the courage to tell my own story, I discovered that I had the ability to inspire the same courage in others.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - Your Strongest Life

"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." ~ Anais Nin, French writer and diarist

I'm a huge fan of Marcus Buckingham. If I had to make a short-list of the top 5 people I'm most interested in meeting, he'd be one of them because of his keen insight into human behavior. He knows what makes us tick, all of us, just upon meeting us. He looks at his role in life as a guide on the side who wants to help people reach their full potential happiness and satisfaction. That's it. Simple, straight-forward, no nonsense, no voodoo, no magic. It takes dedication and hard work to reach our potential. He's giving us tools to get there. He's not here to make us feel better about the very bad choices we may have made in the past and our unfortunate habits (and we all have them). He's here to help us realize and maximize our ability to effect positive change, in ourselves first and then in the world around us.

My friend, Lon, is also a fan and recently sent me a series of articles that Marcus Buckingham has been writing for the Huffington Post on the subject of women's happiness. We're in a tough spot: as a gender, half the world's population, our happiness has been on a steady decline for 40 years. 40 years. That is a very long time to be unhappy. Marcus Buckingham offers up surprising observations and remedies for this trend. It's important reading for all - men and women alike.

I clicked through the articles and eventually landed on a link to an on-line game that serves as life's central casting office. Through a short list of questions, Marcus Buckingham shows us the lead role and supporting role that we were born to play, just as we are right now, and that also stretches us by revealing where we should focus our time and energy. It's fun, insightful, and accurate. I hope you'll take a couple of minutes to give it a whirl. While it's geared toward women on the website, it's equally applicable to men: http://www.wowowow.com/relationships/marcus-buckingham-find-your-strong-life-test-376609

Here's what mine revealed: best lead role for me - Creator; best supporting role for me - Weaver. Hmmm....what does all of this mean?

Creators:
1.) "Begin by asking: 'What do I understand?' You aren’t immune to the feelings and perspectives of others, but your starting point is your own insight, your own understanding."

Great - now I can stop feeling bad about my natural instinct to look internally first and then externally second!

2.) "Your best quality: Your ability to find patterns invisible to others."

As a kid, hide-and-seek was my favorite game. I considered being an anthropologist, a paleontologist, an astronaut, and a psychiatrist. All searching professions. At heart, I am a Seeker, Explorer, Finder. I sometimes wonder if I missed my calling as a detective of some sort. I do like to find what's special and unique in things, places, and people who do not immediately look special upon first glance. My favorite game as a kid was hide-and-seek. I love the idea of underground places, secret passageways, and buried treasure. I love the search. I want to get at what's underneath the exterior, of people and situations.

3.) "Always: Find time to be by yourself."

So true - and a goal of mine as of late. I do need some time on my own every day to re-group. I love people, and to make sure I always enjoy their company, I also need my time for me, too.

4.) "Be careful you: Don’t think so long that you never do anything."

I am the quintessential list maker. I weigh pros and cons and consequences and upsides and downsides and comparison shop. These are important things, and I need to make sure to balance them with enough action. Sometimes, we just have to go for it, even if it seems that the odds are not stacked in our favor!

5.) Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to produce new content.

What my life and writing is all about, and what I think I am just about ready to jump off the cliff and do full-time!

And my ideal supporting role - Weaver. Creator I understand inherently. Weaver? Does this mean I need to get myself a loom? As it turns out, no. Weaver is a synonym for connector. Of course!

Weavers:
1.) "You begin by asking: 'Who can I connect?' You see the world as a web of relationships, and you are always excited by the prospect of connecting two new people within your web."

I love nothing better than linking two people whom I adore to one another when there can be a mutually-beneficial relationship. It's a puzzle, and I love puzzles.

2.) "Your best quality: Your genuine curiosity."

My favorite question has always been 'Why?' and I'm not shy so I asked it (and still ask it) A LOT. My poor mother. I was the 'Why' child in every class, at every moment. Now I'm the 'Why' adult. You can't take the kid out of the classroom...

3.) "Always: Trust in your web of relationships."

Done - they get me through the tough times and help me celebrate the great abundance in my life. My most valuable asset is my network, and I covet it.

4.) "Be careful you: Don’t push people together who shouldn’t be."

I've had some failures on this front for sure. It's not just about the experience and interests of people, but their personalities, too, that dictate if a connection is really worth making. I need to be more mindful of that

5.) "Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to speed up the connection between people."

That would be my obsession with on-line community-building. I love it. If I could, I'd spend every moment of my life working toward this end. Connect, connect, connect. As a kid, my favorite art activity was connect-the-dots. I loved to see what would emerge, how something would develop. It's still true - my life and relationships are in a constant state of emergence and development.

I've printed out my lead role and supporting role descriptions and hung them up at my desk and on my fridge to remind me what's important, and where and on whom I should spend my time, energy, and talents. Strongest life, here I come!

My Year of Hopefulness - Get Out of a Rut

As I trudged to the subway this morning under the gray, dense skies, I considered my mood over the last week. I've been a little down lately. Could be the rainy weather, losing my aunt recently, worry about my mom's total knee replacement, the state of the economy and our nation's safety. It's likely a mixture of all of this. And I'm wondering what I'm really doing with my life every day - am I making a difference, or at least as big a difference as I could make?

Some of my friends and family members have recently expressed the same concern about their own lives. On my subway ride to work, I thought of ideas that might help me and help others out of this little rut. Here are some I came up with. Would love to hear what's worked for you when you need a little pick-me-up!

1.) Ice cream. There's something really special to me about getting an ice cream cone and strolling around my neighborhood. It reminds me of being a kid and being a kid inspires me to be a little more wistful and hopeful.

2.) Send someone a present. My friend, Brooke, recently moved from New York City and I've had her going away present / new house warming present sitting on my table for about a month. I put it into a padded envelope and sent it off to her today. It helped my mood considerably to be sending her a surprise. Same goes for sending someone a card or doing something nice for someone.

3.) Yoga and running. Both get me moving and remind me of how lucky I am to be in good health. While exercising, I think about building strong bones and muscles, increasing my lung capacity, and solutions to tough situations I'm having at the moment.

4.) Clean my apartment. For me, cleaning is therapy. I don't like doing it but I love the end result. And my world looks a little brighter from the vantage point of a sparkling apartment.

5.) Communicate with others. Call a friend, send an email, get brunch with someone, click around on Twitter and see what people are talking about today. Breaking out of our self-imposed isolation is a mood lifter in and of itself.

6.) Find someplace to get lost. For me those places are Central Park, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the American Museum of Natural History. Placing myself in the middle overwhelming beauty gives me a new perspective and make me feel connected to something much bigger than myself.

7.) Dive into a book. I'm always amazed at the way literature connects us to people across the world and across time. This reminder of common human experiences makes me feel less alone.

8.) Write. Yesterday I sat down to write a short story about a situation I witnessed on the street a few days ago. I put myself back in that exact situation, saw it all unfolding in my mind, and wrote it all out. When looking back at the story and reading work I was doing a few years ago, I realized how much progress I've made in my story telling by practicing every day. It was really gratifying to see myself improving a skill that I enjoy.

9.) Think about my ideal day and consider how I could live at least a little piece of that ideal day every day. Maybe it's volunteering, thinking about what business I'd like to start, whipping up a really delicious meal with friends, or spending time with someone I love. Even on the worst days we have the ability to incorporate glimmers of happiness.

10.) Spend some time with an animal. Could be your own pup or kitten, a friend's pet, or taking puppies at the local shelter on a walk. Animals have a natural inclination toward happiness and they take us right along with them.

There are countless ways to get ourselves into a healthier and happier frame of mind. All we need is intention, attention, and commitment to living a better day every day.

My Year of Hopefulness - The Hopeful Cynic

On occasion, my mom has referred to me as her daughter, Christa, the cynic. I'd really like to disagree with her, though after years of trying to refute it I've realized she's right. She just forgot to add the word "hopeful" in front of "cynic". This might sound like a contradiction, though as my friend, Trevin and I always say, "I live my life hoping for the best and expecting the worst." It keeps my life full of wonderful surprises.

The balance between cynicism and hope is delicate and must be constantly maintained. There is a real danger in slipping much too close to either the happy-go-luckies who live their lives in a state of optimism bordering on delusion and the people who are so cynical that you wonder how they kept them from just putting it all to an end yesterday. The balance is important to maintaining the very best of both extremes.

I like to look at a whole situation - details and the big picture comprised of those details. I don't mind being the naysayer so long as it gets us to higher ground when it's all said and done. I don't like nicey-nice cultures - I like and appreciate honesty and thoughtful discussion.

I also don't mind being the voice of hope in a room full of doom and gloom. I like being able to transform a situation from helplessness to self-confident action. Someone has to be the initial spark that begins a gathering light and that role suits me fine.

There aren't that many of us hopeful cynics. Frankly it's a lot of work to have this personality. Everyday that I pick up the paper (which does happen to be everyday) I wonder what our economy might be like with a few more hopeful cynics. I wonder if we would have been better prepared for this crisis. Would we have saved more when times were good? Would we have questioned expenditures and "business as usual" more closely?

To this end, I developed a few guidelines in case anyone is interested in developing the hopeful cynic within them:
1.) Question everything, always, and don't stop until you get a solid, logical answer
2.) Read works of fiction and nonfiction in equal amounts. Fiction keeps you imagining worlds that could be while nonfiction helps you see things as they really are, often from someone else's point-of-view.
3.) Watch movies that make you laugh and cry, and especially watch those that make you think.
4.) Be wary of people who say yes or no to everything.
5.) Trust your instincts, even if no one around you seems to have the same opinion
6.) If a situation is 100% a dream or 100% a nightmare, do some more digging so you know what you're really in for
7.) No matter what circumstances you're in, good, bad, or indifferent, know that eventually it will pass. Change is the only thing that is guaranteed.

My Year of Hopefulness - The Explorer

Last month, there was a clip of me on 20/20. During the summer, I was invited to a party hosted by Chemistry.com where I was getting matched up with a number of people that were supposedly perfect for me. I did meet some interesting folks, despite my initial skepticism. I was highlighted on 20/20 as the classic "Explorer" personality. I usually dislike being "typed", however this definition suits me almost too well. 

I think about my career (or more accurately - careers (plural)), my friends, my interests, my education, my travels, my hobbies. The common thread is this unending desire to explore anything new and different. I am a restless spirit. That trait has caused me plenty of trouble, and it's also brought me an equal amount of joy. It's left me sometimes lonely though more often very fulfilled. Wandering can cause me to feel lost and aimless, though the search is always filled with surprise and keeps me pushing forward. 

If I consider my ideal anything - career, relationship, trip, etc. - it always involves discovery. Each new adventure uncovers another tiny piece of me that I didn't know existed. Many times I tried to settle down and play a consistent part, and until very recently I didn't understand why I was ultimately more comfortable with the unknown rather than the stable. Now I know its hard-wired in me. I am proud to represent all Explorers - let the search continue, always.  

Many thanks to my friends, Alex and Shawn, for creating the link to my 20/20 clip on YouTube, and to Col for taking the still of my name tag with her iPhone!

Andre 3000

Have you heard of this guy Andre 3000? I haven't. Outkast, yes. Andre 3000 - nope. Wouldn't know him if I saw him. And I didn't know his name in the midst of a group of people today at happy hour. For so long, I was used to being the youngest member of a group. That switch has flipped, clearly. I wish I could say that I'm not as hip as I used to be. Trouble is I was never hip. Ever.

The conversation then switched to movies. I had mentioned that I just saw Crash on DVD and loved it. For this I was slaughtered by nearly everyone in the group. They hated the movie - they thought it was narrow-minded and too precious. "No one talks like that or thinks like that." "Could you make a more predictable movie?" Yikes. I was not in friendly waters.

So then we switched to books and someone said they were in the middle of A Thousand Splendid Suns, which I just finished. Finally - someone I can relate to! I said how much I enjoyed the book and also loved The Kite Runner (same author). Nope - I was the odd one out again. "That would never happen." "What an unrealistic story." "Too perfect an ending for my liking." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. And then they all left in a rush. I guess my taste in music, movies, and books cleared the room. 

Needlesstosay, I was happy to get away from those people and back to my cozy apartment among my books and music and movies that I love. (And incidentally, ones that many others love as well - Crash won 3 Oscars including one for best picture and both A Thousand Splendid Suns and The Kite Runner were best-sellers before they even went on sale to the public.) With that crowd, no wonder so many people didn't come out for happy hour. They knew better given the company. Have any of these people read a newspaper, traveled outside of New York City, or even just learned to be polite? My guess is no. A resounding "no". So while I felt bad about myself on the subway ride home, I was also reminded that we all have to howl if we want to find our pack. Clearly, that bunch is not my pack. I better spend my time elsewhere, and that is helpful information to have. 

My Year of Hopefulness - Change of Behavior

In my quest to cultivate more hope for myself and for others, I have recognized that there will be set-backs and that those set-backs will create opportunities for learning and reflecting. I had one of those moments today. Or rather, a friend of mine relayed a story to me that set my hope back a bit. 

John, my graphic design friend, deals with a tough work situation. Right before Christmas, he was really in dire straights. He was very discouraged by an abusive and unappreciative boss, and given the economy his prospects for leaving are bleak. To his surprise when he returned after the holiday break, his boss was different. Kinder, more appreciative, more team-oriented. For a week and a half. And today his boss flipped the switch. 

For a week and half, John was more hopeful about his job. Maybe things would be looking up for him and his team. And then it all unraveled and John felt like it was December 18, 2008 all over again. 

The lesson here is that no behavior change, positive, negative, or indifferent, is immediate. No one comes back to any situation with a completely new attitude. Behavioral changes take time and patience and practice. In all likelihood, John's boss's behavior is not going to change overnight, or over Christmas for that matter. I only had one piece of advice for him: take the long view. 

For him, this is a stable job in a tough economy and it's a good resume and portfolio-builder. This tough time will pass and we will be better people for persevering. At least that's what I tell myself - it's what I have to tell myself. Sometimes hope, unbridled, unreasonable, unreliable hope, can be the only thing we have. And sometimes, that's enough. It has to be enough because it's all we've got.