My Year of Hopefulness - I Got my Whole Future in My Hands

"Put your future in good hands - your own." ~ Anonymous

I read this quote a few days ago on Owning Pink's Twitter account (@Owningpink), one of my very favorite accounts to check. It is always brimming with inspiring ideas. This one spoke to me quite clearly and was just the advice I needed. Taking our future into our own hands is a brave and frightening act, though once we accept it as a way to move forward, it really can move mountains.

Today I had to have a conversation that I have been dreading for some time now. I knew it was coming and I was nervous about it. I was afraid of what the reaction of the of the other person might be and I was afraid of my tendency toward blatant honesty. How delicately did I need to plead my case? Would I have to tap dance around what I really wanted to say, playing politics, or could I just get on with it?

No surprise that I went the honesty route. I explained how I wanted my future to unfold and where I thought the best place to do my life's work would be. And a remarkable thing happened - the very person I was frightened of, the very person who I thought would not at all support my decision, stepped up and offered his hand. This person and I have on occasion had a rough go of it. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye. As a matter of fact we've butted heads so often that it's become a habit for us. And yet, there is some kind of magic that honesty breeds. Once he understood my point-of-view, he realized that he had the opportunity to make my dream come true, or at least to help it along in a significant way. And so, he did.

Before I went to see him, I took a deep breathe, smiled, and told myself, "you can do this. Just go in there with an honest heart and say exactly what you think." I did. He listened. And before I even had to ask for help, before I even dared to ask for help, he offered it up with a smile. All my worrying had been for naught. He asked me to think it over, and make sure that this is really the direction I want to go in. I thanked him, knowing that I'll be back to see him tomorrow, to tell him I'm ready to build the life I imagine, to thank him for his help, and to take my life into my own hands.

My Year of Hopefulness - More Thankful Than Ever

"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues." ~ Cicero

This Thanksgiving is a particularly special one for me. All week I have been with my family in Florida, playing and laughing and cooking, grateful for all of this time with them. I've never spent this much time with them over the holidays. In a year that has been so difficult, in a year when I came very close to not being here at all, I can hardly think of something I'm not grateful for. This Thanksgiving was a big milestone for me because I have been using it as a marker to a time I wanted to get to, a time when I would be in a position to make some big decisions about my life going forward. And this week I have - applying to a PhD program, formulating my own business plan, signing up for a full yoga teacher certification course. Life is looking grand from this side of Thanksgiving.

Today I am very thankful for my family and friends and mentors, people who have not only been supporting me through this difficult year, but also encouraging me to get the most out of my time here.

Earlier this week Weez and I went to the grocery store to do some Thanksgiving shopping and we talked about the fire in my apartment building. I told her how that event really eradicated any fear I have about all aspects of my future; when you almost don't get a tomorrow, every day is gravy so I might as well get on with doing exactly what I want to do with my days. No more compromises. There's no sense in waiting. She agreed, as has everyone in my life that I've talked to about this experience. That fire made every day Thanksgiving for me.

I'm grateful for my health and my ability to imagine a new future with new dreams. Surprisingly, I'm thankful for all that I lost this year because it has made me so grateful for what I have. It cleaned out my life and made room for a drastically better future than the life I was living. It made me realize that a lot of good can be created from something terrible so long as we have the right attitude, so long as we embrace the idea that everything we live through can be an opportunity for learning, for strength, for love. It's this learning, strength, and love that I am most thankful for and I plan to use this thankfulness to bring these new dreams of mine to life.

My Year of Hopefulness - Choosing the way

"To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to do it, is the key to happiness." ~ John Dewey

October has shaped up to be a fantastic month for me. A few dips here and there, though for the most part it's been about exploring new opportunities, meeting new people, and getting a better handle on how my life is moving forward. In other words, I am deep into the first piece of John Dewey's statement: "finding what one is fitted to do".

Tonight I had dinner with my friend, Richard, and we were talking about this exploration. I suppose one of the reasons we've become such good friends is that we are natural explorers. This is true of so many of my friends, nearly all of them have gone down many different paths, learning a lot along the way, and eventually finding their groove. I'm the late bloomer in the bunch. It took me a long time before I realized how that I could build a life around the idea of a securing a quality education for every child, how adamantly I believe in Frederick Douglass's idea that "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." I am a product of this idea and I am now at a point where I've been in the world enough to be able to fight for this principle in a thoughtful, compelling way.

So now the trick is the how, John Dewey's second piece of the puzzle: how (and where) to secure an opportunity to do what I am fitted to do. On the one hand, I am fortunate that my passion has many different avenues for me to pursue. I could go back to a nonprofit that has a mission to help children. I could teach. I could do research in this area. I could pursue an advanced degree (and there are several types of degrees that would be suitable). I could go into government work. I could simply volunteer as I have been doing for many years. I could write. In actuality, I could do all of these things, and likely will. On the other hand, how will I make a choice among all of these options? What is the right way forward for me?

One thing that has amazed me is that it's the first part, figuring out what we're fitted to do, what we're passionate about, that takes the most time and effort. Once that piece is firmly planted in our minds and hearts, and we begin to share it with others, opportunities to do what we love abound. People rally around us, support our dreams and efforts. Somehow, the way opens once we know what way we want to take.

This abundance didn't hit me until I was speaking to Richard tonight. I was telling him what I was interested in and why. I am in the midst of researching doctoral programs in public policy and there is one in particular that just feels right, that lights a fire in my eyes and heart, the same way that the Darden School was the absolute right fit for my MBA. There are others that seem fine as well, though I just can't seem to feel as excited about them as I am about this other program. And then a little panic set in. What if they don't take me? Then how will I ever get this work done that I now know I am fitted to do?

I thought about this on the subway ride home, actually I worried about it. And I played it through in my mind. What if this program didn't want me? What if the other programs didn't fit quite right? What if this degree just wouldn't be possible for me to get? I felt this way when applying to Darden, too. The only other program I applied to was Tuck, and after visiting Tuck, I knew that wasn't the right fit, so Darden quickly became the only place I could or would or wanted to go. On my drive back to DC from Charlottesville, after my interview and visit to grounds, after I had fallen deeply in love with Darden and the prospect of being a student there, I wondered what I would do if I didn't get in. I decided to do one of two things: I'd join the Peace Corps, also a lifelong dream of mine, or I'd move right back to New York where I knew I eventually wanted to make my home. That's it. Very simple.

As luck would have it, I was accepted at Darden on December 1st. I distinctly remember jumping for joy, accepting over the phone, and breathing a great big sigh of relief. I got exactly what I wanted. So now, I'm at that same point again. What will I do if this one program that seems perfect for me doesn't take me? Now there are many more options for this new road - maybe I'll teach full-time, go back into nonprofit work, start my own business, write, and continue to be an active volunteer. Maybe New York City government will prove to be the way for me. Yes, I confirmed, I have lots of options.

I emerged from the subway a few hours ago with a lighter heart. John Dewey would smile knowing that there are so many opportunities I could secure to go about doing my life's work. After all, he is the one who said we climb mountains so that we can see other mountains. From where I now stand, there are so many peaks in my landscape that a valley is scarcely able to be seen. With so many routes to happiness, the work for me now lies not in the finding but in the choosing. And that in itself is reason to smile.

The photo above is not my own. It can be found here.

My Year of Hopefulness - The future's arrived

"The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet." ~ William Gibson, author of Neuromancer

The future is a funny thing. It can surprise us. It can frighten us and delight us. When it unfolds, we understand its logic though in the moment it seems to completely confuse us. It's true of the larger world's future and of our own personal futures, too.

As Weez, Lorelei, and I were heading to the Glass Garden at the Rusk Institute today, I was telling them about my plans for school and work and every other aspect of my life that I could think of for the foreseeable future. It all seemed to make so much sense, even though only several weeks ago nothing really seemed to make sense at all. It seems that so much is falling into place, as if I had these little pieces and the slots they fit into all along; I just wasn't sure how to configure them until now.

When I think about the next year of my life, all of my projects seem to be falling into the time line in a startling beautiful pattern. It's as if the future is already here, that it has been here for some time. It just took me a while to see it for myself. A few things in my life needed to be cleared away, things that were distracting me. At the time, I didn't even know those things were distractions. I didn't even know that they needed to go but the world knew. My future knew what I needed to keep moving forward.

Lately my body has gotten into the unfortunate habit of waking up at 4am on the nose every morning so I try to make that time useful. When this happens, I stare out the window at the water towers. I have a glass of milk. Some times I do some easy yoga poses and I think about my future. I try to think of an image that calms me down and lulls me back to sleep.

Recently, I've been imagining myself as a high diver in the form of a Maxfield Parrish painting. I face this beautiful forest as I stand at the very edge of a cliff. I raise my arms and face up to the sun, I bend my knees, and I jump. Rather than falling to the Earth, the wind catches me and I float under a sky of beautiful colors. I've been thinking of the forest as all of the experiences I've had to date and the beautiful colors of the sky as my future. Those colors have yet to fully take shape, though their very beginnings have certainly arrived.

The painting above depicts "Mountain Ecstasy" by Maxfield Parrish.

My Year of Hopefulness - Your Strongest Life

"We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are." ~ Anais Nin, French writer and diarist

I'm a huge fan of Marcus Buckingham. If I had to make a short-list of the top 5 people I'm most interested in meeting, he'd be one of them because of his keen insight into human behavior. He knows what makes us tick, all of us, just upon meeting us. He looks at his role in life as a guide on the side who wants to help people reach their full potential happiness and satisfaction. That's it. Simple, straight-forward, no nonsense, no voodoo, no magic. It takes dedication and hard work to reach our potential. He's giving us tools to get there. He's not here to make us feel better about the very bad choices we may have made in the past and our unfortunate habits (and we all have them). He's here to help us realize and maximize our ability to effect positive change, in ourselves first and then in the world around us.

My friend, Lon, is also a fan and recently sent me a series of articles that Marcus Buckingham has been writing for the Huffington Post on the subject of women's happiness. We're in a tough spot: as a gender, half the world's population, our happiness has been on a steady decline for 40 years. 40 years. That is a very long time to be unhappy. Marcus Buckingham offers up surprising observations and remedies for this trend. It's important reading for all - men and women alike.

I clicked through the articles and eventually landed on a link to an on-line game that serves as life's central casting office. Through a short list of questions, Marcus Buckingham shows us the lead role and supporting role that we were born to play, just as we are right now, and that also stretches us by revealing where we should focus our time and energy. It's fun, insightful, and accurate. I hope you'll take a couple of minutes to give it a whirl. While it's geared toward women on the website, it's equally applicable to men: http://www.wowowow.com/relationships/marcus-buckingham-find-your-strong-life-test-376609

Here's what mine revealed: best lead role for me - Creator; best supporting role for me - Weaver. Hmmm....what does all of this mean?

Creators:
1.) "Begin by asking: 'What do I understand?' You aren’t immune to the feelings and perspectives of others, but your starting point is your own insight, your own understanding."

Great - now I can stop feeling bad about my natural instinct to look internally first and then externally second!

2.) "Your best quality: Your ability to find patterns invisible to others."

As a kid, hide-and-seek was my favorite game. I considered being an anthropologist, a paleontologist, an astronaut, and a psychiatrist. All searching professions. At heart, I am a Seeker, Explorer, Finder. I sometimes wonder if I missed my calling as a detective of some sort. I do like to find what's special and unique in things, places, and people who do not immediately look special upon first glance. My favorite game as a kid was hide-and-seek. I love the idea of underground places, secret passageways, and buried treasure. I love the search. I want to get at what's underneath the exterior, of people and situations.

3.) "Always: Find time to be by yourself."

So true - and a goal of mine as of late. I do need some time on my own every day to re-group. I love people, and to make sure I always enjoy their company, I also need my time for me, too.

4.) "Be careful you: Don’t think so long that you never do anything."

I am the quintessential list maker. I weigh pros and cons and consequences and upsides and downsides and comparison shop. These are important things, and I need to make sure to balance them with enough action. Sometimes, we just have to go for it, even if it seems that the odds are not stacked in our favor!

5.) Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to produce new content.

What my life and writing is all about, and what I think I am just about ready to jump off the cliff and do full-time!

And my ideal supporting role - Weaver. Creator I understand inherently. Weaver? Does this mean I need to get myself a loom? As it turns out, no. Weaver is a synonym for connector. Of course!

Weavers:
1.) "You begin by asking: 'Who can I connect?' You see the world as a web of relationships, and you are always excited by the prospect of connecting two new people within your web."

I love nothing better than linking two people whom I adore to one another when there can be a mutually-beneficial relationship. It's a puzzle, and I love puzzles.

2.) "Your best quality: Your genuine curiosity."

My favorite question has always been 'Why?' and I'm not shy so I asked it (and still ask it) A LOT. My poor mother. I was the 'Why' child in every class, at every moment. Now I'm the 'Why' adult. You can't take the kid out of the classroom...

3.) "Always: Trust in your web of relationships."

Done - they get me through the tough times and help me celebrate the great abundance in my life. My most valuable asset is my network, and I covet it.

4.) "Be careful you: Don’t push people together who shouldn’t be."

I've had some failures on this front for sure. It's not just about the experience and interests of people, but their personalities, too, that dictate if a connection is really worth making. I need to be more mindful of that

5.) "Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to speed up the connection between people."

That would be my obsession with on-line community-building. I love it. If I could, I'd spend every moment of my life working toward this end. Connect, connect, connect. As a kid, my favorite art activity was connect-the-dots. I loved to see what would emerge, how something would develop. It's still true - my life and relationships are in a constant state of emergence and development.

I've printed out my lead role and supporting role descriptions and hung them up at my desk and on my fridge to remind me what's important, and where and on whom I should spend my time, energy, and talents. Strongest life, here I come!

My Year of Hopefulness - Living Great Thoughts

"And what he greatly thought, he nobly dared." ~ Homer

I had brunch with my friend, Dan, today. He was interested in learning more about my desire to take up a writer's life full-time and still be able to afford my current lifestyle. The greatest gift I have in my friendship with Dan is his ability to listen to my dreams and ideas and help me figure out how to act on them. "When you close your eyes and imagine your life as a writer, what do you picture? And does that picture allow you to live the same quality of life you have now?"

They're good questions, hard questions. I have some ideas about avenues I can take that will make writing at least the main piece of my job if not the entire job. Like a muscle, the more writing we do, the sharper our skill of writing becomes so the plus side of being employed as a writer is that my own personal writing will also improve as a result. And isn't that what a job should be - an activity that provides us with training and development in areas that interest us so that our lives overall are enriched?

At brunch, Dan and I ordered tea. On my tea bag, I read the quote by Homer and it so perfectly relates to the conversation we were having at that moment. It's wonderful and necessary to have dreams, to think big and then bigger still. What really brings about transformation is our ability to harness those dreams and the energy that they give us and allow that energy to put us into motion in the physical world. We have to look at the end result and work backwards to develop a game plan and smaller goals that help us fulfill that vision for our lives. Thoughts and dreams about our futures are not enough. We must eventually stand up, get out there, and build them.

My Year of Hopefulness - Imagination and Limits

"My favorite place is my imagination." ~ Jackie Pagan

On my way to see Muhammad Yunus earlier this week, one of the subway posters caught my attention. It said "Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world." It's a quote from Arthur Schopenhauer, the German philosopher. It made me think of how often our own reality and experience limits our ability to realize, work for, and achieve change in every aspect of our lives. How do we begin to expand our limits to imagine a wholly different existence, for ourselves and for others?

I find that reading helps. I read a lot of biographies and autobiographies, and reading about the accomplishments and motivations of others gives me inspiration and courage. Stubbornness and a desire to seek out and generate understanding can go a long way toward imagining a different kind of world.

"The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too," Goethe said. It's true in business, in personal relationships, in rising above challenges. If we commit to being present and persevering, somehow we make it through even the most difficult of times. Somehow the way ahead opens before us. There's real magic in commitment.

There were plenty of times in the past three weeks when I thought I might fall apart; when I felt scared and alone and filled with anxiety. And the moment I felt those old familiar feelings creeping in, I promptly slammed the door on them. I couldn't let myself feel defeated; that's a road to nowhere. I had to keep digging deeper for strength. I had to imagine a different reality where I was grateful for who and what I have in my life, rather than being resentful for what I had lost. I could not let my previous vision of my day-to-day life limit how I looked at my life for all of my tomorrows. I had to commit to a new way forward where I seek to love this and every moment. It's a commitment I'm making every day.

Our imagination is powerful beyond measure, so powerful that we can barely even comprehend our full capabilities for change. We are the only ones who place limits on our vision. The world is a wide-open space, a blank canvas that we color in to our own liking. If only we could recognize that, we'd be able to keep from painting ourselves into a corner. We can and should invent and re-invent ourselves over and over again. And as we take on that challenge of re-invention we inspire others to do the same. In truth nothing has to be as it is; it can all be changed.

My Year of Hopefulness - Make Your Own Path

"Travelers, there is no path. Paths are made by walking." ~ Antonio Machado, Spanish poet

A few years ago, my friend, Amy, and I were talking about the lives that were stretched out before us, that were laying in wait for our arrival. We were at a place called The Little Grill, a co-op restaurant in Harrisonburg, Virginia. We were both graduate students; Amy was getting her Master's in Conflict Resolution at EMU and I was getting my MBA just down the road at UVA in Charlottesville. I asked Amy how she saw all of her work playing out. Would she go overseas? Did she have a specific issue or population she wanted to work with? What did she think the universe held for her? Her response was that she didn't know; the only thing she was sure of at that time was that she wanted to build her own road and not wait for it to find her.

I remember that conversation so clearly. Amy's passion for her work was so evident. Now here we are, close pals, building our respective roads. Our paths have been shaped by many unexpected events, some good and some not-so-good. Those paths weren't laying in wait for us as I originally thought. We've had to build them, one tiny piece at a time, by trying something, and trying again and again and again. Maybe our fate isn't set by the Universe at all. Maybe we find our groove by moving.

While it can be a little disappointing to know that our perfect life isn't out there waiting for us to show up, it's also very freeing. Maybe our life's work isn't pre-determined. Maybe there's nothing to discover, as if it's been there all along. Maybe it's all more dynamic than that. Maybe our life's work can be whatever we want it to be, and if after a period of time we want to change it up, then that's A-OK. After all, it's our path, and it's only going to be built by us moving forward. And sometimes moving forward means moving on.

Someone I know is very passionate politics right now. He's researching all kinds of election methods and voting systems because he's become deeply interested in how our government operates. I told him yesterday that I can't wait to see how this all plays out for him, where it takes him. He said, "well, for now this is my interest. Tomorrow it might be the clarinet, and then that's all you'll hear about from me." Little did I know that he was saying exactly the same thing as Machado. His path, Amy's path, all of our paths are ours to build. Take whatever turns you want.

The photo above can be found at: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2304/1557274926_a7c2569175_b.jpg

My Year of Hopefulness - Just Get to What's Next

"Wisdom consists not so much in knowing what to do in the ultimate as knowing what to do next." ~ Herbert Hoover, 31st U.S. president

Today I met with an old friend from college that I haven't seen in 11 years. She and I worked on a theatre production together at Penn, and she has a new theatre project that she wanted to get my advice on. At one point in our conversation she said she just felt so overwhelmed by the enormity of the task of getting the project off the ground. As much as she believes in the idea, the shear amount of work that it takes will be intense, regardless of whether it is a runaway hit, a flop, or somewhere in-between. She is afraid of the outcome of her efforts before she's even begun.

Like all of us with ideas that get our blood pumping, we get ahead of ourselves. We haven't even put a proposal on paper, and already we are off and running making contingency plans for every challenge and triumph imaginable. Long-term planning is important; to paralyze ourselves with fear in the short-run makes all of our worrying inconsequential. If we can't even get started, our long-term contingency plans don't make a bit of difference.

A crystal ball would be a handy tool to have in our back pocket, particularly if we could play out different scenarios before making choices. Unfortunately, no one has invented one of those yet, and so we're left with only our gut, experience, and conscience to help us make decisions. While we might do our best chess playing game, anticipating how the world around us will change, it never goes exactly according to plan. There's always some surprise we didn't account for. And if you're doing A just to get to B, then my experience has demonstrated that surely C, D, and E will show up to throw a wrench in the works.

The best we can do is to just do what's next. Keep a lofty goal as your guide, and remember that there are many routes to it. Don't shut down your ability to move forward by standing at the fork in the road and burying your head in your hands. Self-imposed grief, and the indecision that comes along with it, doesn't serve anyone well. And your dreams are too important. You have too much to offer this world. There is no time for indecision. The only choice you need to make right now is the next one. Leave the future where it belongs, out ahead of you.

The image above can be found at: http://toughsledding.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/fork.jpg

My Year of Hopefulness - A $7 lunch and off-balance sheet assets

I'm working on some new product ideas especially for the Chinese consumer market and for some perspective I turned to my close friend, Allan, who was born and raised in Beijing. With his drive and intricate understanding of the markets, I am eventually handing all of my money over to him to manage, and if I ever need a board member, my first call is to him. Allan never agrees with me right off the bat about anything - he doesn't give me an inch of wiggle room. Allan, in his characteristically curious way, questions me incessantly on detail after detail. And I am deeply grateful for that.

Today, our conversation flipped from Chinese vs. American culture (a favorite topic of ours) to the state of our jobs to future plans and then to social enterprise. While everyone on the planet is gushing about the promise and bright future of social enterprise, Allan is skeptical. Today he forced me to take him through the concept of social entrepreneurship, step by step. The financials, the motivation, the benefits, the short-comings, the operational challenges.

Allan took all this information in and to wrap up, he got to 1 more very simple question and 1 very simple conclusion. Allan's last question: "Christa, are you okay with having a $7 lunch for the rest of your life as opposed to a $70 lunch like those guys on Wall Street?" My answer: "Yes, I'd prefer it that way." Allan's reply: "Good. Then you are a perfect candidate to be a social entrepreneur." Allan's conclusion: "Seems to me that there must be some off-balance sheet assets that must be accounted for." How true that is!

For the rest of the afternoon, I thought about the role of off-balance sheet assets that we must consider in every aspect of our lives; how we spend our time and with whom, our happiness, the amount we laugh everyday, and our sense of purpose are all assets that are tough to value in dollars. And yet, they are critically important - I would argue far more important than our salaries (provided our salaries cover our basic needs). These "other" assets, the ones we can't hold in the palm of our hand, are the stuff that make our lives worthwhile.

Allan and I trekked up to the castle that overlooks the Great Lawn in Central Park. I was grinning from ear to ear and Allan asked me, "What does that view mean to you?" I looked out at the people relaxing, smiling, and enjoying the simultaneously simple and complex act of being alive. A small oasis of hope in a city that is seeing its fair share of challenges. This view is off-balance sheet assets personified. And from that view, their value is very easy to see.

The photo is from Pbase.com/mikebny

My Year of Hopefulness - Stay on Path

At the Brooklyn Botanic Garden yesterday, Mom and I kept seeing these small wooden signs that said simply "Please Stay on Path". As we talked about my life and career, we considered what my path might be and how I can shape it to encompass all of my interests and passions. We thought about all the different ways that we get distracted, what causes us to lose focus, and how we can regain our bearings.

Staying on path at the garden is much easier than it is in life. It's easy to lose direction, to veer off our course, some times without even realizing exactly how it happened. Some opportunity seemed like something we wanted to follow or we had an experience that made us consider a different way forward. Sometimes these side trips are life changing for the better and sometimes our interest in these new pursuit fades as quickly as it appeared.

And then there's the question of flexibility. We get new information all of the time and we want to make sure that we have enough flexibility to incorporate the relevant info into our plans. Think of it like our bones. We want our bodies to be flexible, though the strength of our bone structure makes all of our activities possible. Without the rigidity of our bones, we'd never go anywhere! A life road map provides the same kind support.

I've found very often that I make much better life choices when I am running toward something and not away from something. It's the difference between looking forward and looking back, and making choices depending upon which of these actions has more say in our decisions. I like a good balance of both. I want to be informed by my past and not ruled by it. I want to be hopeful and excited about my future without sacrificing the wonderful things about the present.

There's nothing that says a path has to be a straight shot. Mom and I wound through the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, explored the different routes, and trusted in a healthy dose of meandering. Our map helped to make sure that we didn't miss things we really wanted to see and that we headed only down roads that interested us. We had our priorities of what we wanted to see, things that would be fun if we had time, and things that we'd prefer to skip. And we took time to smell the flowers along the way. We enjoyed being surprised by things around the bend. We let our senses guide us on some adventures to things we had missed on the map. It's a beautiful metaphor for how to live life.

My Year of Hopefulness - Embracing the Future is Our Only Choice

In Robert Safian's letter to the editor in Fast Company this month, he closed with a very poignant, short paragraph that was hopeful and also a mark of tough love delivered in an empathic way. We have been spending the past 18 months with a "whoa is me" attitude. The economy is awful. We're afraid. We're in a death spiral downward. What are we going to do???

It's okay to hide under the bed for some amount of time after the dark days arrive. No matter how scared or uncertain or confused we are, we have to eventually come back into the light. We have to start living again, even if the kind of life we live going forward is dramatically different than the way we lived before. 

Robert's assessment is very clear and strong:

"These are dark days, no question. And unpredictable events, from natural disasters to fiscal meltdown to 9/11, can often make things look darker. But the unexpected can also be our friend, our ally, as long as we maintain hope and embrace our uncertain future. After all, we have no choice."

He's right. We don't have the option to stay hidden away, hoping and praying for better days. We are going to have work hard, very hard, for them. And better days doesn't mean the days we used to have. All we can do is embrace what we've got to look forward to, whatever that is.   

Getting What You Can From What You've Got

My friend, Lon, sent me an article from the Financial Times last week regarding employee satisfaction. For most of us, we can forget it for the near-term. Either we're being let go or our friends are. Either we're dumping all of our work on the people left standing at our companies or we're the ones left standing doing the work of three other people. It doesn't feel good to be on either end of this stick. There aren't any winners in the job satisfaction game these days. 

So what are we to do? Hide under our desks or under our beds and wait for sunnier skies? It's tempting but I wouldn't recommend that. If you have your job, and even if you hate, there's a way to make the best of what you've got. My friend, Kelly, came in to town recently and I was talking to her about this subject. No matter how nutsy her job gets, she always has a positive perspective. It's a little sickening actually. She was my friend in graduate school who could listen to the most obnoxious student go on and on about nothing and be searching for what she could learn while the rest of us were banging our heads against the wall out of frustration. 

How does she do that?? How does she always see the best in her job situation, even though her company, and every company for that matter, is going through tough times? This isn't the end game for her and she knows that. Her real passion is education, but she wanted big company experience first so she could bring something to the education party that would be beneficial. Consequently, she takes in all of this good learning she has all around her, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and is able to distance herself emotionally because she knows these crazy times will inform her education career when she's ready to make that change. Brilliant, huh?

So while having a drink last night with my friend, Linda, I was talking over this POV. I'm 32 now. Where do I want to be when I'm 35 and how about when I'm 40? And if what I'm doing right now isn't what I want to be doing then, how can I utilize the experience I'm getting now to inform my future? And what other skills can I pick up from where I am right now to help me on my journey? Lord knows there is plenty to do these days at work, not enough people to do it, and plenty of room to take on more if we so desire. Perspective, and the wise advice of good friends, is worth its weight in gold. 

      

What Now?

About a month ago I read Ann Patchett's book, What Now?. It's a reproduction of her graduation speech at Sarah Lawrence University, her alma mater. And she talks about crossroads and where you might look when considering your next step. I wonder if she realized how poignant this question would become in the year after the book's publication. 

In the month since reading the book, I've been considering "What Now?" almost daily. It seems that I am at an eternal crossroads in almost every area of my life. As I talk to my friends and my family I realize that many people are doing the same thing. So I thought it might be helpful to detail the way I'm framing up this question to myself in an effort to answer it as effectively as possible. 

Career: My friend, Susan, whom I consider my career guru, is always concerned about the story that our careers are weaving. And this is especially important for us 30-somethings. We have amassed a good deal of experience and expertise and we may be teetering on a taking the plunge into a higher level position a a big company, starting our own company, or making a career switch. How are those pieces weaving together into one cohesive story? When have we been happiest in our careers? What skills are we happiest exercising and what skills do we still want to polish up? These questions help me think about what's next for me. 

Relationships: A tough one for us single 30-somethings. We've likely had a number of relationships at this point. And we've gone through the highest of highs and lowest of lows in love. We've had our hearts broken, perhaps broken someone else's heart, walked away, been walked out on. We've loved and lost and loved again. Some people think this is the time to find a husband or settle in to be single for a long time to come. I don't. There's a calm that has settled in for me around love in the 30's. Either it works or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, I've given up the sadness and sulking of my 20's - it must mean that I had better get back out there because that relationship just wasn't the right one for me.

Friends: My friend, Amy, and I always talk about how important it is to get energy from our friends rather than have or energy sapped by people. My friend, Kelly, describes it as not wanting to be around people who suck our will to live. A bit dramatic? Sure. Accurate? Definitely. We have just so much time to devote to people in our lives. Make sure that each one enriches your life. It's not easy to clean out our lives of old friendships that don't work anymore - for one thing, we may find our lives have more holes than we'd like. But the good news is that if we do that we'll have more time for the people in our lives who really matter to us, and you'll be surprised what good fortune finds you when you make room in your life for it to stay awhile.

Happiness: This is the area of my life I work on the most. It effects our health, the foundation for every other area of our lives. It effects those around us. A recent study found that surrounding ourselves with happy people has enormous benefits - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When I think about what's next in my life, the greatest consideration I give is a decision's effect on my happiness. And having that one guiding principle, light's the way.